


From brother to brother

by Zeta_Mei



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Brienne Cersei Tywin Renly Loras and Ned Stark only mentioned :), But at least it's very short, I really don't know how to tag, Sorry this is a bit rude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:14:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25066744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeta_Mei/pseuds/Zeta_Mei
Summary: Tyrion writes to Jaime from the Wall, and Jaime answers.Maybe Jaime is a bit too tired and thrilled after the hallucinating day/night he had just spent wandering behind a certain wench, who wasn't supposed to be in King's Landing, not in 298, not to wed a f...ing stag.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister & Brienne of Tarth, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	From brother to brother

FROM THE END OF THE WORLD TO KING'S LANDING

(BY CROW)

My sweet Goldilocks,

why the hell our lord Father is interested in a certain Maid of Tarth? Is she that beautiful? My balls are at great peril of freezing, so stop laughing and answer immediately.

From the end of the world, your beloved, wicked, half-frozen and always half-man, 

Tyrion-little-bear-Lannister

I forgot a thing.

I suspect a certain bitch will read (even) this letter before than you, dumbest of the dumb. If so, hope you'll choke on your wine, my ~~damned~~ lovely and wise sister of 32 years OLD.

***

FROM KING'S LANDING TO THE END OF THE WORLD

(BY CROW - URGENT - A VERY FAST CROW IS NEEDED)

Damn you Tyrion,

and damn the fucking Maid of the fucking Tarth.

Is Father interested in her? Why doesn’t he come here and tie her to a saddle till the Rock? This way, he can question her personally, and I can get rid of that stupid, stubborn oaf of a wench - of her unbearable Septa and her impossibly prideful Father.

One only day. I saw her this morning, and since then she has been persecuting me. She has punched me the very first time we met and called me kingslayer in my face, when I had only told her that she was a freakish wench - that is merely the TRUTH, can a man being thrown to the dust for having said the truth for once in his life?

You must see her, the Hound with teats - teats so meager you can mistake them for tiny blossoms of rose - but younger than Clegane, no more than seventeen or eighteen years old, and over six feet of legs, muscles, horse teeth and freckles, freckles everywhere.

Too many freckles, you can’t count them. Not that I’ve ever tried to count them, it would be impossible for anyone, since she never stays still like a good wench, no, she has to crush her thick head against every wall she can find, she’s a never-ending trouble, such a pain in my arse that I wonder if she has some Lannister blood in her veins.

She surely has. That could explain why Father...

No, no, no, the wench can’t be a hidden Lannister.

Definitely too ugly, her hair is an enervating tangle, so bright to be almost white, and even her skin is too pale, under the freckles, except when she blushes - and she blushes every ten seconds, you sneeze and she blushes, you clean her wounds and she blushes, you tell her that she owes you a dozen stallions in gold and she blushes - but she doesn’t blush a pretty pink, she takes fire, every inch of her damned long body takes fire, and she scowls, everywhere and anytime, with no wits (and less of all irony), boring and loyal and honorable till a fault. I suspect she likes the fucking Starks, and surely she's as bad liar as Ned-I'm-the-new-Hand-Stark.

Gods save me, it’s really hard to think of something uglier or clumsier. I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but you must see the wench, you must. There are no wenches like her, only her.

She almost got to have me killed twice or thrice, and the night isn't over, yet. By king's command, I'm here to guard at her crooked nose while she sleeps. She's not snoring, not yet, but she's going to snore, I'll bet on it.

She's astonishingly hideous. I grant you, the day some fool will find something beautiful in Brienne the Beauty, hate and love will mate, ice will burn and the Wall will crumble.

Your piss from the edge of the world has taken too long, brother, you’ve surely drowned hundreds of innocent thieves, murderers and rapers in their pretty black cloaks. Tell the Lord Commander not to worry about that, he will have soon fresh scum, 'cause we've cleaned a bit this stinking city. No need to tell it's the wench's fault. 

However, it’s past time you come back and help me dealing with this... tempest. Cersei says that our sleeping beauty is going to wed Renly Baratheon - to die a maiden in his bed like the blind, foolish child she is. Think about it, Brienne loves him. She loves Renly-the-horny-Stag and strongly believes that Loras-disclose-my-petals-Tyrell is only her betrothed’s loyal friend.

I can’t bear such a stupidity, they should send to the Wall any ugly cow such dumb.

This is a valid option, you should come back south, and the wench should go north, so you could meet around the Neck, be jolly good freaks and help a lion-lizard mom to feed her little lion-lizards.

Not missing you and your tricks - Goldilocks is unworthy even of you!

I hope your balls have already frozen, it'd save the family a lot of gold, little wretched ~~shit~~ bear.

Your beloved,

Goldilocks.

I forgot a couple of things.

You were right. Cersei read the letter, she reads all my letters before than me. And she believes me able to set the wench's ship afire. Me. Don't want to think about it, not now. Stop sneering, or I'll tell auntie. 

Myrcella and Tommen miss you, only Gods know why, so move those twisted legs of yours, come back and help me with the wench, before she’ll become Cersei’s sister. Only thinking about it makes me sick again. Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> It was meant to be Chapter 36 of the fic Beware your Dreams, but it doesn't add anything to the (already inconsistent) plot, so I considered it more similar to a one-shot.  
> Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
